


The Shadow of You

by Kimmimaru



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Betrayal, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Loss of Trust, M/M, Manipulation, Operation Kuron (Voltron), Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-01-04 05:03:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmimaru/pseuds/Kimmimaru
Summary: There's something wrong with Shiro.It started off so small that Keith never really noticed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Important note: In this fic Shiro is NOT Shiro. He is Kuron but he is AWARE of his origins. This is an AU type of thing or canon divergence? I suppose. So yeah 'Shiro' is going to be acting OOC in this for that reason. This will be short with (I hope) only two chapters. Please enjoy.

It started off so small that Keith never really noticed.   
  
The shoulder touches, painfully familiar and a great comfort, became light touches to the hips. Shiro's soft, gentle smile became more heated. His eyes seemed to now linger much longer than usual. When Shiro did touch his shoulder, rather than simply releasing him his hand would slide down his arm. He stood closer, voice lower and more intimate when they were alone. Keith put it down to whatever had happened during the time Shiro was away, maybe some form of touch starvation. He tried hard not to give away his growing discomfort, if Shiro needed more contact then Keith would allow him whatever he needed.

 

It wasn't as if Keith didn't enjoy the fact that Shiro now sought him out more frequently and was more open with his affection. Keith had spent years nursing a growing crush that refused to go away, but something about the intensity with which Shiro now stared at him made the hackles rise on the back of Keith's neck. His gut squirmed whenever Shiro's fingers brushed his hip or if they passed each other just a little too close in the hallways. It was strange. Shiro was the one person Keith would drop all his walls for and had done repeatedly throughout their friendship, and yet here he was seemingly unable to help his best friend through a rough time. So, he endured.  
  
Keith's new role as the Black Paladin weighed him down. He spent less and less time interacting with his team, he stood at the edges and watched Shiro direct them where they needed to be. At times they clashed but after the first time and the wave of guilt that came with it, Keith decided to remain quiet as often as possible. He drew away as his team grew closer. He watched and as time drew on he began to realise more and more that he no longer belonged. He was only ever a place holder for the real black paladin, he knew that Shiro needed to take up his true role once again. So he closed himself off. He retreated back into old habits, he spent more time on the training deck and with Kolivan than he did in the dining hall or rec rooms with his friends. He hid in his bedroom, gazing up at the ceiling while he turned his knife around and around in his hand and watched its purple symbol burn in the darkness.  
  
Shiro noticed. Keith overheard him speaking to the others sometimes, discussing Keith's distance in hushed whispers. He heard Shiro dismiss his distance as 'Keith just being Keith'. It hurt. For some reason Keith couldn't work out, it hurt to hear Shiro's cold voice discuss him like a vague acquaintance instead of a trusted friend and comrade. Keith put his pain into his training.  
  
Keith knew he should have been ecstatic to have his best friend back and in many ways he was. He had thought he was dead and seeing him alive and well felt good but still, something was off and Keith just couldn't put his finger on why.  
  
Pidge was tracking some suspicious Galra movements, everyone was huddled around her terminal while she explained what they were seeing. Keith leaned close, one hand resting on the back of Pidge's chair when he felt a hand slide around his hip. He shivered, acutely aware of Shiro's fingers digging into flesh. He tried not to move or give away the fact that he had noticed as tension grew between his shoulders. He felt Shiro's hot breath against the side of his neck as Shiro leaned over his shoulder to see Pidge's screens. Keith bit down hard on his lower lip, feeling hot and cold all at once. Sweat broke out across his neck as the fingers slid beneath the hem of his shirt and brushed against bare flesh. It startled a soft grunt out of him and he flinched away. All eyes turned on him and he stared at Shiro with wide eyes, he could have sworn that he saw a small smirk flash across Shiro's face before he stifled it and forced it into a look of concern. “Keith? Are you ok?”  
  
Keith swallowed, his throat suddenly much too dry, “Uh...yeah...sorry.” He croaked, lifting his arms to cross them over his chest, he hunched his shoulders and looked at his boots. “I gotta get some air.” He muttered and walked off.  
  
Keith left the bridge and leaned against the wall in the corridor outside. He took a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes. He tightened his grip around his elbows and shivered at the memory of Shiro's hands on his skin. He'd dreamt of it. He'd imagined every scenario under the sun where Shiro suddenly decided he was attractive and wanted him as more than just a friend. His skin tingled where Shiro's fingers had lingered, he reached down and touched his side, allowing his own fingers to find the places Shiro's had been. It must have been an accident. Surely Shiro wouldn't actually want him like that? Surely no one could ever want him. Keith opened his eyes and sighed, shaking his head and pulling his emotions back under control. He was being stupid, reading too much into it. He had to act normal. He stepped back onto the bridge to find everyone talking in hushed whispers. None of them noticed him as he walked up to them and he could over hear their conversation.  
  
“Keith never shies away from touching you, Shiro. What's got into him lately?” Lance asked, concern hidden beneath a thin veneer of casual indifference.   
  
“Well...” Shiro shifted and hesitated, “I guess it could be because of something that happened back at the Garrison.”  
  
Keith went cold. He felt his chest tighten, his stomach turn to lead. Surely Shiro couldn't be about to...  
  
“There was this officer who taught some of Keith's classes, Commander Jenkins. He was-”  
  
“Oh I remember him.” Lance whispered darkly, grimacing, “He was always touching us. He was kinda creepy.”  
  
“Yeah well, he went too far with Keith. Trapped him in a class room and groped him through his uniform. Keith came straight to me and I told Iverson.”  
  
The silence was sticky. Pidge had her hand over her mouth in horror, Lance was gaping like a fish out of water and Hunk was still like he'd been turned to stone. Keith felt instantly sick. Even as all eyes turned to him, he felt the blood drain from his face before rushing back white-hot. He choked, staring at Shiro in disbelief. “Oh Keith, I didn't know you were-”  
  
Keith swallowed and turned on his heel, storming away. He had to escape. He had to get away from their staring. He hung his head and hunched his shoulders as he walked as fast as he could. Away. Away. Away. He gasped, hands shaking as they curled into fists at his sides. He found the entrance to the training rooms and slammed his hand against the scanner.   
  
Shiro soon found him. Keith didn't turn to look at him as he dived beneath a violent swing of the training bots staff. He growled as he slammed the hilt of his blade into it's gut, causing it to overbalance before he sliced off one of it's arms.   
  
“Halt training sequence.”  
  
Keith cursed, spinning on his heel to fix Shiro with a glare. He was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and he used his lower arm to wipe his forehead, spitting a wad of blood onto the floor, “What do you want Shiro?”   
  
Shiro leant against the wall and watched him placidly, “You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep this up.”  
  
“I don't care. What do you want?!” Keith repeated, shifting onto his back foot as if readying for a fight.  
  
“I wanted to see what your tantrum was about earlier. You've been acting real weird for a while now.”  
  
Keith gaped at Shiro like he'd lost his mind, “What?”  
  
“Yeah. Everyone's noticed. You've been pulling away from us and lashing out more frequently...Keith, tell me what's wrong maybe I can help.”  
  
“Help? You?” Keith sneered, “ _You're_ the fucking problem!” He used his sword to point at Shiro's chest.  
  
“ _Me_?” Shiro's eyes widened, his hands rising. All innocence.  
  
“Yes you.” Keith growled again, kicking at the dummies arm so it skidded across the floor and hit the wall. “You told them! I told you that in confidence and only because it'd get the sick fuck fired! You know I didn't want anyone else to know and yet you just told them like it was nothing!”  
  
“Keith,”  
  
“No. No don't you dare-” Keith sucked in a breath through his teeth before he hung his head and shook it, turning away, “It was private and you told everyone like it was nothing. Shiro, I...I trusted you. You know what he did to me...you know...what everyone said about me back then and I...I just...”

 

“Oh Keith I'm so sorry,”   
  
Keith flinched when he felt Shiro's hand on his shoulder. He twitched and turned around to face him, eyes wide and darting around like he was looking for an escape. But Shiro stood in his way. He took a hesitant step back, putting distance between them and hung his head again, drawing his arms tighter around his body as if they could ward Shiro off. A hand landed firmly on his shoulder, the warmth and promise of comfort tempting in it's familiarity but Keith tensed and held firm. He grit his teeth so hard it hurt. “Keith, I'm really sorry. I guess I didn't think.” Shiro pulled Keith into a hug, Keith stiffened but Shiro held on. His prosthetic smoothing through Keith's hair and sliding down his back until it came to rest against the base of his spine. Keith was pulled closer, their hips slotting together. He tried to use his trapped arms to push at Shiro's chest but he was ignored like he was little more than a butterfly with his wings pinned.   
  
“Sh-Shiro...” Keith mumbled against Shiro's chest, Shiro's fingers tangled in the hair on the back of his head. It was too much. Shiro smelt...good. So good. Keith swallowed. “Shiro...please...”  
  
“Shh, just relax for me. You've got so much pent up anger, you could do with a good fuck to let it all go, huh?”  
  
Keith's eyes widened at that, mouth opening as Shiro took advantage of his shock and slid his hand down to cup his ass. Keith wheezed, helpless.  
  
“You take things way too seriously. I always did think so.” Shiro hummed thoughtfully, squeezing Keith's ass in his hand, “Fuck, you've been working out. Wearing those tight little jeans. Your plan worked great, by the way. How could anyone say no to you putting yourself on display like that?”  
  
“Sh-Shiro...what...I...”  
  
“Shh, it's ok. I'm gonna give you what you want, Keith...what you've always wanted.” Shiro released the back of Keith's head and grabbed his jaw, gently he tilted Keith's head up and smiled down at him, “You've been trying so hard. I'm gonna make you feel so good, Keith, I promise.” With that he leaned down and slotted their mouths together. Keith grunted, eyes flying wide as he tensed and froze. Shiro's lips were firm and insistent, Keith curled his shaking hands into fists as he clutched at the material of Shiro's jacket and finally let his body sink against his broad chest. His eyelids fluttered closed and he relaxed. Shiro hummed in approval and used a handful of Keith's sweaty hair to move his head into the right position. Then he pried open Keith's lips and pushed his tongue between them. Keith moaned, half in shock, half in awe. He was kissing Shiro. Finally. Having his dreams come true drove everything else temporarily out of his mind. He found himself kissing back, drawing himself as close as possible to Shiro's warmth. Shiro was smiling into the kiss, slowly guiding them backwards until Keith felt cold metal at his back. A thigh wedged itself between Keith's legs, forcing a gasp from his mouth that Shiro swallowed.   
  
Keith made a muffled noise and tried to draw away. He needed to breathe and he needed Shiro to explain what the hell was happening. He pushed against Shiro's chest, muscles like rock beneath his fingers. Finally Shiro drew back, running a finger across Keith's cheek bone. “Shiro...” Keith gasped, face flushed and panting, “I don't...I don't understand.”  
  
“What's there to understand? I've seen the way you look at me, Keith. You want this.” Shiro tried to lean back down to capture Keith's lips again but he flinched back so fast he smacked his head against the wall.  
  
“You don't...you don't want me. Not like this.” Keith insisted, “Shiro please, let me go. I need to-”  
  
“Come on Keith, it'll be fun. I promise.”  
  
“Shiro!” Keith gave him a hard push, sending him back a few steps. He stared at him with wide, confused eyes, fear settling into his gut and curdling like rancid milk. “Why? Why now?”  
  
“Does it really matter Keith? You've wanted this since I bailed you out of juvie. The only thing holding me back back then was Adam and now he's not around,” Shiro shrugged casually, like wanting to fuck your teenaged mentee was normal. Keith's chest tightened, his hands curling and uncurling as horror slowly descended and made his skin go cold.   
  
“No. No this is...” Keith licked his lips and took a sharp breath, trying to breathe through the slowly swelling panic. “Shiro...what's wrong with you?”  
  
“Nothing. I'm fine...better than I've been in a long time Keith.” Shiro advanced again, trapping Keith against the wall with arms on either side of his body. “You grew up so pretty,” He purred, smirking in a way that sent chills down Keith's spine. He slid his hand down Keith's side, curling his hand around the front to cup his cock through his jeans. Keith's breath stuttered, his heart rate spiking. “I don't need to hold myself back anymore, Keith and neither do you.” Shiro's mouth met his again, the kiss deep and wet. Keith trembled, helpless and frozen by fear and confusion. Shiro was right he'd wanted this forever but...something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Shiro was acting weird. Keith tried to break free but Shiro was stronger and used his bulk to pin him. Shiro's prosthetic fingers finally managed to unbutton Keith's jeans, they slid inside. Keith jerked, biting Shiro's lip in shock but Shiro merely laughed against his mouth and licked the blood from his lips.   
  
“Please don't do this.” Keith managed to whisper but it was like Shiro didn't hear him.   
  
Cool, metal fingers curled around Keith's cock. He shuddered. Trying to pull away but the wall at his back was unyielding. He grunted, feeling arousal grow steadily in his gut; hot and heavy. He moaned when Shiro started to stroke him, helpless against his own body's desire. He tried to think of something else, anything else but Shiro was so close and smelt so good. He was hard and his hips began to move on their own. Keith struggled weakly, wondering if he should simply give in and let it happen. It was Shiro after all. He'd do anything for Shiro.   
  
“You feel so good, Keith. Fuck, I bet your ass is tight...can't wait to find out. Relax for me, it's ok. I've got you.”  
  
Keith whined, letting his head fall back against the wall. His eyes burned but no tears fell even as his teeth dug bloody cuts into his lower lip. He was frozen in horror. He could remember how it'd felt back in that dimly lit class room, empty of everyone but himself and Jenkin's. How it'd felt to have the old man breathe heavily against his neck and whisper soft endearments. The air around him felt cloying, he could smell old cologne and whisky. He could feel the scratch of greying whiskers against his skin. Keith stared over Shiro's shoulder, fingers digging into the muscle of his shoulders. His body heating as Shiro worked him with one expert hand and ground his own erection against his thigh.   
  
His head filled with static as Shiro used his free hand to curl into the damp strands of hair at the back of his head. He didn't fight, couldn't fight, when Shiro guided his face down so he could watch as he came into the tight tunnel of Shiro's fist. A strange, breathy little gasp escaped him but it was drowned out by Shiro's heavy moan in his ear.   
  
“There, see. Told you it'd feel good, Keith.” Shiro whispered, sucking a bruise into the side of Keith's neck before pulling away to admire his work. Keith was dishevelled, eyes wide and slightly glassy. His knees felt like jelly, the only things holding him upright were the wall and Shiro's body. “Next time I'll show you how real sex feels, yeah?”  
  


“I...” Keith took a shuddery breath, blinking sluggishly as he turned to stare at the wall, “I'm not...not a virgin.” He mumbled, his voice coming out too thick and slurred, like he'd been drinking for the past hour.  
  
Shiro's entire body tensed at that, although Keith couldn't guess why. “What?”  
  
“You were gone, Shiro. Gone for a whole year. I was...alone and...and I needed something. Anything. So I...I...started sleeping around.”  
  
To Keith's surprise Shiro cupped the back of his head and drew him close so his head was resting against him. “I'm so sorry Keith,” He whispered, genuine pain in his voice as he ran fingers through Keith's hair. “I'll make it up to you, I promise.”  
  
Keith wished he could cry or scream or throw a punch...anything to get rid of the weird numbness filling his brain and limbs. Instead he went limp against Shiro as he held him and stared into the middle-distance.   
  
The next morning Keith awoke in his own bed, sheets tangled around his middle. He stretched and yawned, a brief moment of respite before the previous days events caught up with him. He lay still, fatigue dragging at his limbs but he knew he had to get up. If he didn't people would talk and that was the last thing he wanted. So he forced himself to move.  
  
The dining room was full when he entered, hesitating at the door way as he watched Pidge steal some of Lance's breakfast while he was otherwise occupied talking to Allura. Coran spoke to Hunk about something in the castle they were working on and Shiro...Keith tensed when their eyes met across the room. He shivered and folded his arms across his chest, debating on whether to just skip breakfast altogether. But by now others had noticed him too. Shiro patted the seat beside him, his usual calm smile on his face. Keith had no choice but to go. He forced his legs to move and he sat down in the indicated seat, head low as Shiro pushed a bowl of food goo towards him.  
  
“Eat,” Shiro said quietly, “You need to keep your strength up.”  
  
Keith nodded jerkily and picked up his spoon, shovelling the goo into his mouth just to deflect any unwanted questions. It curdled in his stomach and for a second he feared he'd be sick, but it passed and soon the bowl was empty. He dropped his spoon in the bowl and made to stand, he was half way to the door when he realised Shiro was following. Keith didn't look up but he came to a stop and let Shiro catch up. A warm hand landed on his shoulder and Keith shied away. “Don't.” He whispered, shrugging out of Shiro's reach.  
  
“Come on Keith, we have some time off while Hunk, Coran and Pidge modify the engine. Let's go do something.”  
  
Keith looked up, Shiro smiled down at him and he swallowed before nodding reluctantly.  
  
Shiro took Keith back to his room and opened the door. Keith watched him enter and stood reluctantly in the door way, he looked behind him, hoping someone would come and stop them but they were alone.   
  
“Keith?”  
  
Keith turned back to Shiro, “Can't we do some training? We're in the middle of a war and-”  
  
Shiro's face turned weirdly blank, like he was no longer there. Keith opened his mouth to take it back, fear turning his skin cold but Shiro reached out and curled his prosthetic around Keith's upper arm. He was pulled inside and the door hissed shut behind him. He was dragged against Shiro's body, held close and the grip on his arm became painful. Keith bit back a grunt of pain and stared into the corner. Shiro's human hand curled around his jaw and he pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I've been thinking about you.” Shiro breathed into his ear, “Can't stop. You do...things to me.”  
  
Keith let himself be manhandled towards the bed, allowed Shiro to push him down against the mattress. He stared up at the ceiling, unable and unwilling to see Shiro's face. He would try to say no but he knew it would be ignored and he'd rather not go through that.   
  
“Look at me, Keith.”  
  
Keith was forced to meet Shiro's eyes and then Shiro was kissing him. He closed his eyes and pretended, just for a moment, that he truly wanted this. He wrapped his arms around Shiro's neck and ran his fingers through the short hair at the back of his head.   
  
It wasn't violent. It was soft and quiet. It was gentle and firm. Keith lay there, allowing himself to drift as Shiro prepped him. His cock wouldn't stay hard but Shiro didn't seem to care too much. He was too eager and it hurt going in but Keith had endured worse and this was Shiro. This was the love of his life who needed him. He would do anything for Shiro. Anything at all, even if it meant ignoring all his instincts.  
  
Somehow Keith still managed to come with Shiro's prosthetic gripping his wrists so hard he could feel the bruises forming, with Shiro's free hand covering his mouth to stop any loud noises from escaping. He came with the image of Shiro's face hovering above him backlit by blue light and deep shadows across his cheek bones. He came knowing that this man wasn't the Shiro he'd known. The one who'd saved him so many years ago. He came with a sob that was swallowed by Shiro's greedy mouth.  
  
“I knew you'd be a good fuck.” Shiro whispered into his ear as if it was an endearment, a confession of love. Keith lay still, sweating, panting and trying to shake the lethargy that had sunk deep into his bones and brain. He blinked blearily up at the ceiling, allowing Shiro to suck more bruises into his skin. Branding him for the world to see. He could feel semen between his thighs, on his stomach and it made him faintly sick. When he swallowed all he could taste was Shiro. “Look at you, you're beautiful.” Shiro whispered, brushing sweaty strands of hair from Keith's face. “I won't let anything happen to you, Keith. You belong to me.”  
  
Keith wanted to agree. He wanted to say yes and not regret it. Shiro was his world, he'd die for him but the words made goosebumps prickle across his skin. It made him feel sick. He wanted to have a shower and wash Shiro's words off his skin. “I...” He had to clear his throat to make his voice work, “I can't...do this. I didn't want it like this. Shiro...you're sick. You need help.”  
  
Shiro went perfectly still and Keith felt his stomach turn over. He'd fucked up. Slowly he inched away but Shiro got to him too fast, he was grabbed and hauled in close, forced to stare into Shiro's angry face. “Help? I don't need help! I'm fine. It's you that's the problem, hell you couldn't even get it up for me until I was fucking you.” Shiro's fingers dug deep into the tops of Keith's arms, Keith pushed ineffectually at Shiro's chest but he was too heavy.   
  
“Sh-Shiro...you're hurting me.”  
  
“So what...you haven't been pining after me for the last god knows how many years, is that it? You're just a whore for any old cock, huh?”  
  
“Shiro...Please...”  
  
Shiro's hand went to Keith's throat, fingers curling around it as he squeezed. His eyes took on an eerie purple glow that Keith was sure he was imagining. He grabbed at Shiro's wrist with both of his but knew it was useless, Shiro's prosthetic was much stronger than he was. He choked, his pleas dying off in favour of trying to heave in any tiny amount of air he could.  
  
“This is just like you. You can't commit to anything, always trying to run away from your responsibility. No wonder your mother left you, Keith, she obviously knew what you'd become.”  
  
Keith closed his eyes and grit his teeth. He managed to lift his knee and smash it into Shiro's gut. Shiro grunted and his grip on Keith's throat relaxed enough for him to yank the hand away. He rolled from under him, coughing and retching as he scrambled for his clothes. He shoved on his t-shirt while Shiro regained his breath and then grabbed his jeans.   
  
“Well now you're just proving me right, Keith.” Shiro's voice froze him as he put his clothes back on. “You're such a coward.”  
Keith turned and saw Shiro sitting on the bed, head in his hands. “All I wanted was for us to have something good.”  
  
“Shiro...”  
  
“No. Go. You obviously don't care,”  
  
“Shiro I...” Keith rubbed his throat, wondering if maybe he had been wrong. Maybe Shiro was right and Keith's fear of getting close to people was hurting his relationship with his best friend. Maybe... “I'm sorry.” Keith croaked finally, “Shiro I'm sorry.”  
  
Shiro lifted his head, the strange purple gleam Keith had seen earlier was gone and only his usual grey remained. He looked hurt and Keith found himself moving towards him before he'd even considered it. He sank to his knees before Shiro and rested his head against his thigh, “I'm sorry.” He repeated, lifting his shaking hands and holding Shiro's wrists.   
  
Shiro sighed heavily and started stroking Keith's hair, “It's ok. I'm sorry for getting angry and hurting you...I just...really want this to work.”  
  
Keith nodded against his thigh, staring at the hairs there while Shiro stroked him like a pet cat.  
  
Keith loved him. It was an immutable fact and Keith could do nothing to change it. He loved Shiro more than his own life, he was his sole reason for continuing his existence. He wanted Shiro to be happy so at night he spread his legs for him. He wanted Shiro to be kind so he sucked his cock in the way he liked best. He wanted Shiro to get better so he kissed him like he meant it. All the while Keith felt as if he was coming apart at the seams. Every time Shiro smiled at him Keith's throat burned from the memory of the night Shiro had tried to choke him. Every time Shiro spoke in that soft whisper, told him what a good whore he was, how he loved it when Keith sucked him off just like that Keith fought off the urge to puke. He was skittish, jumpy and grew more and more volatile. He would lash out at Lance even over the slightest infraction. He shouted at Pidge when she dared get too close and even Hunk got a taste. It festered in him and his only outlet was the training deck. He spent hours with the bots and knew that as soon as he stopped Shiro would be there. He wanted to be alone but Shiro refused to let him. He was always there, watching and waiting. Keith was numb to it. He was numb pretty much all the time.   
  
When Kolivan came with a new mission Keith leapt at the chance. It would only be a quick job; get into the Galran base, grab the information and get out. Keith could do that. He was small and fast. He went with Kolivan that very day and tried to ignore the creeping sensation of Shiro's gaze on his back.  
  


“Keith, are you well?” Kolivan asked as they travelled through space towards their destination.  
  
“I'm fine.” Keith replied automatically, ignoring Kolivan's piercing golden gaze.  
  
“You have bruises. If you are in trouble-”  
  
“I said I'm _fine_.” Keith snapped, yanking on the wheel too fast and causing the ship to list too far left. He cursed and readjusted their trajectory.   
  
Kolivan let out a low rumble, the sound made Keith's shoulders relax and when the Galra put his clawed hand on Keith's shoulder he relaxed further. “Do not allow whatever is distracting you to affect this mission.” He said and Keith nodded sharply.  
It was Keith's first mission as a proper member of the Blades of Marmora but it was not his last.  
  
Keith spent an increasing amount of time with the Blade's. He spent days on long, exhausting missions that helped him forget about the confusing relationship he had with Shiro. He was eager to please Kolivan, working himself to the brink just to hear Kolivan's gentle praise, so unlike Shiro's now. He revelled in it. He loved the exertion of a good fight that distracted him from what was waiting for him back on the castle ship. He hated returning. As time passed the other Paladin's began to grow irritated by his distance. They aimed harsh reprimands his way, Lance's glare became a permanent fixture on the rare occasions they shared a meal. Pidge grew tired of his dismissiveness of their attempts to recruit for the alliance. Hunk remained quiet but his eyes were too watchful, Keith felt painfully uncomfortable around him as if Hunk could read the marks on his body like a book. The few days he was forced to spend time with the others he spent in Shiro's arms, willing or not. He let Shiro take from him. Let him take and take until Keith felt like a husk. His only relief was when he donned the black suit of Marmora.   
  
“Hey, Keith,”  
  
Keith turned from where he was getting himself a glass of water in the kitchen, Hunk was standing in the door way with a broad smile and a plate of something in his hands. “Oh...hey Hunk.”  
  
“I baked some cupcakes...” Hunk looked down at the plate, “Well, I tried anyway. Wanna be my taste tester?”  
  
Keith eyed the cakes, the icing was an off-white with tiny little flowers decorating them. He smiled, helpless against Hunk's warmth. “Yeah, sure.”  
  
“Here,” Hunk handed him one with black flowers.  
  
“Colour coded, nice.” Keith pulled off the wrapping, unsure where Hunk would've got the cases from and took a bite. It was sweet and perfect. “Mmm, good.” He said around his mouthful, watching the way Hunk's face lit up.  
  
“Great! Thanks Keith.”   
  
“'s 'kay.”

 

“Uh...I was just wondering if...if you were ok? I mean lately you've kinda been pulling away from us and I guess we're all worried.”  
  
Keith swallowed, his mouth suddenly too dry. He looked down at the half-eaten cake, the sweet taste of icing still lingering on his tongue, “I'm ok Hunk.” Maybe if he said it enough it'd one day be true, “Thanks for the cake.” With that he left.  
  
Several days later Keith stumbled out of his pod. He almost tripped and fell but strong arms caught him around the waist. He looked up blearily, exhausted and in pain from a wound he'd taken in the thigh. “Shiro?” He muttered.  
  
“Yeah. Come on, let's get you back to my room.”  
  
Keith didn't have the strength to fight him so he let himself be half-carried out of the hangar and into the corridors. He saw Pidge coming towards them, her face a picture of shock. “Keith? What happened? Do you need a pod?”  
  
“He'll be fine, Pidge. He's just tired.” Shiro answered for him with a smile and they walked past her.  
  
Shiro took him back to his room and set him down on the bed, Keith hissed as pain lanced through his wounded leg. He clutched at it, head bowed and blood matted hair falling in front of his face.  
  
“I just don't get it, Keith,” Shiro sighed as he worked on trying to strip Keith of his suit. “I try so hard to show you how much I care and all you do is try and run away.” He stripped Keith's suit down his shoulders to reveal his back and the pattern of bruises there, Shiro ran his fingers over them as if admiring them. “If you keep going like this, you're gonna die.”  
  
Keith didn't speak. He kept his head down and eyes averted as Shiro undressed him, baring his battered body to the room. His leg was a mess, blood stained his skin and had started to dry so it flaked wherever Shiro touched. Shiro sighed when he saw the wound, it wasn't deep enough to risk Keith's life but it was a close thing. He tilted Keith's leg from side to side, face eerily blank. Keith hated it when he did that, like he wasn't there anymore; the lights were on but no one was home. Then all at once he came back to life, “I'll clean it and then bandage it.” He said stiffly, rising and moving to the door, “Stay here.”  
  
Keith watched him go and felt lost and more alone than he had done since he'd been dropped off at the orphanage after his dad's death.

 

When Shiro returned he was muttering under his breath but stopped when he saw Keith curled up on his side on the bed. He shook his head and knelt, setting aside a bowl of warm water, bandages and a battle field med-kit. “You know if you keep this up you're gonna start affecting the team,” He said as he dipped a clean cloth into the bowl and rang it out. “You can't be both a blade and a paladin, Keith. One day soon you're going to have to make a decision and leaving Voltron isn't the right one.”  
  
Keith said nothing. He winced when Shiro began cleaning the wound but didn't speak. Once Keith was cleaned and bandaged Shiro climbed onto the bed beside him and rolled him onto his back, he stroked his face and leaned down to kiss him. Keith turned his face away to stare at the wall.  
  
“Keith? What's wrong? It's been a week since we last saw each other.”  
  
“I need a shower.” Keith replied in a monotone.  
  
“That can wait, can't it? Come on, it's been ages.” Shiro began kissing Keith's neck and sliding his hands down his sides. Keith squirmed away. “Keith.” Shiro's voice grew dark and Keith went still, eyes closing as he finally accepted a kiss. He lay there, limp and pliant while Shiro's fingers opened him up. He barely felt it when Shiro entered him. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to Shiro's grunts and groans and waited it out.  
  
“Oh man you look tired.” Lance announced as he slid into a seat beside Keith and eyed him like he was studying him.  
  
“Thanks,” Keith rolled his eyes, making to stand up but Lance put his hand on his wrist and halted him. Keith felt a jolt of disgust roll through him, he yanked his hand back, “Don't touch me.” He growled.   
  
Lance gaped up at him like he'd been punched, “Woah. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. Put the knife away Keith.”  
Keith looked down and saw that he was gripping his knife with white knuckles. He sucked in a gasp and put it back in it's holster at the base of his spine. He turned and made to leave the kitchen.  
  
“Keith! Hey, look we need to-”  
  
“Just...leave me the hell alone, will you?” Keith shouted back before leaving.  
  
Keith went back to his room and leaned back against the door, arms curling around his stomach as he sank slowly to the floor. He drew his knees to his chest and closed his eyes.  
  
He wasn't sure when he fell asleep but he was shaken awake by a strong, familiar hand. A hand that had once given him comfort. He cracked open his eyes and groaned as his back ached from the weird curled up position he'd fallen asleep in.  
  
“Why are you sleeping on the floor?” Shiro asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Come here, let me help you up.” Keith let him drag him to his feet and move him to the bed. “You know you wouldn't be this tired if you stopped doing Blade training and missions.”  
  
“I know, Shiro.” Keith sighed and let his eyes fall closed as he lay back on his bed.  
  
“Then why don't you stop?”  
  
Keith licked his lips, “I can't.”  
  
“But why? Keith, this isn't just about you anymore. Your absence is being felt by the entire team. We're all worried about you, me more than the others.”  
  
“They aren't worried Shiro, they hate me.” Keith mumbled, his voice thick with exhaustion as he curled up in a ball.  
  
Shiro sighed but didn't dispute it. He pulled the blanket up over Keith's shoulder, “ _I_ don't hate you, Keith.” He whispered and pressed a kiss to Keith's hairline. “I could never hate you.”  
  
Keith fell asleep wrapped in Shiro's arms. It should have been a place of peace and safety but the nightmares still came.  
  
Keith came back from the latest Blade mission and knew something had happened the second he stepped onto the bridge. He saw their heated stares, the anger and almost left. Instead he stood perfectly still and took their anger. He knew he'd fucked up. He was supposed to be the Black Paladin but had failed to arrive in time to help his team.   
  
Shiro took his place as the Black Paladin. Everything was as it should have been. And yet Keith felt as if a part of himself had been broken. Seeing the anger in Shiro's face, directed at him, was painful. Even though that night Shiro held him in his arms, kissed him and fucked him into the mattress, he could feel a distance there. The same distance that had been growing since Shiro had returned. Keith lay there and let Shiro tell him about how badly he'd messed up, he listened to Shiro's voice tell him he was worthless and how much he deserved the hatred of the others. Keith cupped Shiro's face in one hand and kissed him, filling the action with every emotion he'd ever felt.  
  
That night he left. If he looked back as the castle dwindled in his screens then Kolivan didn't mention it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“We'll never penetrate those shields!” Matt called from the screen before Keith.  
  
Keith looked at the cruiser, at the rebel fighters failing to pierce it's defences, “Maybe not with our weapons.” He said mostly to himself as he pushed his ship into a dive.  
  
“Wait, Keith! What're you doing?!”  
  
He was seconds away from impact. The tiny Galran fighter he'd commandeered trembled beneath his hands as if it knew what he was about to do. Matt screamed in his ear. Keith took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Thinking of Shiro, as he was before. His warmth, his kindness. He'd saved Keith once, maybe this was his chance to finally repay his debt in full.  
  
Keith almost didn't see the explosion. He pulled back on his levers, gasping as fire exploded outwards, almost entirely engulfing his tiny ship.   
  
“ _Attention Paladin's of Voltron and rebel fighters; I know we've had our differences in our pasts. But, I think it is time we had a discussion._ ”  
  
XXX  
  
Keith managed to limp his ship into the castle's docking bay. He sat there for a moment, staring unseeing into the distance. His hands clutched the levers, knuckles white beneath his gloves as his breath came in deep, ragged gasps. He trembled, eyes damp but no tears fell. He wet his lips, sucking in air like he was running out before bending forward over his own knees. His stomach twisted as if he was going to puke but he swallowed back the taste of bile stinging his throat. Finally he managed to pull his hands away from the controls and unbuckle himself from the pilots seat. The top of the fighter hissed as it opened and he scrambled out on shaking legs. He stumbled clumsily but someone caught him under the arms.  
  
“Woah,”   
  
Keith looked up, vision swimming, “M-Matt?” He whispered, frowning.  
  
Matt's face twisted a little, “I'm not gonna tell you what you already know, Keith but I will say; _that_ was a dick move.” He frowned, helping Keith to straighten up, “You ok?”  
  
Keith nodded, still feeling a little faint but a lot more _there_ now that Matt had hold of him. His chest felt less tight, his stomach finally settling, “Yeah, I'm ok. Thanks.”  
  
“Keith!”  
  
Keith looked up to see Shiro coming towards them, his eyes moved from Keith to Matt and a small frown creased his brow. Keith extracted himself from Matt's comforting hold and straightened up as Shiro put a hand on his shoulder, “You ok?” He asked.  
  
“I'm fine, Shiro. Don't you kinda have more...pressing issues?” Keith asked, trying to hide his shaking hands behind his back.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Lotor.” Keith supplied, “The guy who saved our asses.”  
  
“Oh yeah. Sure but Allura's taking care of him right now. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”  
  
Matt looked away as Shiro pulled Keith in for a hug, his hand sliding down his back and coming to rest possessively against the base of his spine. Keith closed his eyes and reluctantly wrapped his arms around Shiro's neck. His mind screamed at him to pull away, to put distance between them but Keith continued to tell himself it was just Shiro. Shiro never meant him any harm. It was his best friend and now lover. Shiro wouldn't hurt him deliberately. He tightened his grip, fingers shaking as they slid into the short hair at the base of Shiro's skull as he buried his face into his neck.  
  
A cough made them break apart, Keith looked up to see Kolivan standing behind Shiro. His face was inscrutable but there was something wary in the way he approached them, “Shiro, I need to have a word with Keith and Allura has asked for your presence.”  
  
“Go. I'll be fine.” Keith said and Shiro gave him a soft smile that never reached his eyes as he stroked Keith's cheek and turned away. Keith watched him go, back ramrod straight before he felt safe enough to relax again.  
  
Kolivan waited until Shiro was gone from the hangar before turning on Keith, “What was that out there?”  
  
Keith turned away, running his hand over the broken wing of his ship, “Nothing.” He whispered hoarsely.  
  
Matt winced and turned away to tend to his own ship.  
  
“That was far from 'nothing'. That was a suicide attempt!”  
  
“I thought your entire culture revolved around absolutes, huh? Victory or death? Knowledge or death?” Keith turned on Kolivan angrily, fingers tightening into fists at his sides, “What's so different about what I did?”  
  
“What you did was reckless stupidity! A shield of that calibre would have easily withstood such a tiny impact.” Kolivan grabbed Keith by the shoulders as more people entered the hangar, rebel fighters in a small group chatting and laughing off the lingering adrenaline. Kolivan pushed Keith slightly behind his ship so that they had a little more privacy. “You are young yet, what would possess you to put your life in such danger over something that you _knew_ was pointless? Is a meaningless death what you wish for?”  
  
Keith turned his face away, half hiding behind his hair. Slowly he shook his head, one arm rising to wrap around himself.   
  
“Then why?”  
  
“I don't...I don't know...” Keith whispered, closing his eyes and hanging his head.  
  
Kolivan sighed, shaking his own head slowly, “Your life is as valuable to me as any of my other blades, Keith. We all care about you, perhaps in future it would be best for you to remember that.”  
  
Keith frowned at the floor. Kolivan's fingers were warm against his arms, a part of him shivered as he remembered the sheer power behind his grip. Kolivan could tear him in half without breaking a sweat. Keith's lips parted on a breath, he shivered and fought against the abrupt desire to have Kolivan's fingers around his throat. Keith yanked himself free of Kolivan's grip and his back hit the side of his ship, he stared up at his leader with wide eyes.   
  
“Keith?” Kolivan frowned warily, “Perhaps a few days off would do you some good. I don't normally allow this but your circumstances are different. I will contact you with your next mission once you are rested enough.”  
  
Keith could only nod, head low and arms around his stomach as he fought back the weird thoughts and feelings coursing through him. He took a moment to regain himself and then made his way out of the hangar. He headed towards the bridge where he knew the others waited.  
  
“We've secured him in a private cell,” Allura was saying when Keith stepped onto the bridge, “He cannot be trusted.”  
  
“I still don't get why he'd go out of his way to help us,” Lance sighed, leaning against a nearby console with a frown.  
  
Keith moved closer, wary of gaining too much attention. He found himself stood on the outskirts of their small circle, watching them talk. As he watched a pit formed in his stomach. He swallowed and turned away, leaving them to their discussion and hanging his head. He didn't belong anymore. He reached the doors just as Coran was about to speak his name but he was gone before he could.

 

Keith walked quickly through the corridors of the castle ship, mind a mess of bubbling, dark emotion. He gripped his biceps with one hand and tried to fight back the gaping hole that had opened up inside him. Soon he found himself on an empty floor, somewhere he'd rarely visited before. Before him was an open area with a barrier erected, inside was prince Lotor. Keith moved closer warily, curiosity driving his feet until he stood before the prince.   
  
Lotor, who had been resting on a small cot, sat up at his approach. He fixed his piercing gaze on Keith and tilted his head, “You must be the half-breed.” He mused, smiling.  
  
“I'm Keith,” Keith replied, his voice shaking.  
  
Lotor looked him up and down, “A little small for a Galra,” He commented, rising and moving closer, “But you have some fire in you. I remember that much from our previous battles.”  
  
Keith straightened his shoulders, “Why would I care about what you think?”  
  
“No reason. It was merely a simple observation.”  
  
Keith watched Lotor stretch, “Why did you do it?” He asked suddenly, drawing closer to the cell.  
  
“Do what?”  
  
“Save me-us. Why'd you save us?”  
  
Lotor turned to look at him, “So you were the one piloting that little fighter?” Keith didn't reply but Lotor's lips curled at the corners, “Taking victory or death a little too literally, are we?”  
  
“Just answer my question.”  
  
Lotor sighed, “As I explained to your princess, I wished to make a truce. We both have a common enemy and I believe that I have information that would benefit you. Good allies are hard to find these days, I believe we can come to an arrangement.” Keith fell silent at that, eyes lowering. He felt Lotor's gaze on him but couldn't bring himself to meet it. “Why did you seek me out, little blade?”  
  
Keith winced, rubbing at his arms as if he were cold, “I...I don't know...” He admitted.  
  
“You are a strange one,” Lotor lifted his gaze and nodded to the doors just as they opened, “And here come the cavalry.” He sat back on his cot and waited while the others approached.  
  
“Keith?” Allura frowned from Lotor to Keith and back again, “What are you doing here?”  
  
Keith shook his head, “Nothing. I'll go now.” He turned away and started back towards the exit.   
  
“Keith, wait!” Shiro caught up to him and grabbed his arm, his grip a little too tight.  
  
“Shiro-” Keith winced, turning his head away as shame welled up to fill the hole that seeing his friends had opened. “Shiro, let me go.”  
  
“Wait for me in my room,” Shiro whispered quickly while the others were distracted, “I'll meet you there.”  
  
Shiro released him and Keith stumbled a little, he nodded and looked down at his feet as he finally left. Keith walked a little way down the corridor and finally came to a halt, he grabbed the wall and slowly sank down it until he was on his knees. He bent over, arms curled around himself in an approximation of a hug. He sat there, shaking and trying to pull himself together. He closed his eyes and for the first time since he'd been taken into space he wished he was back in the desert shack. He remembered the pin board he'd put up on his hunt for the mysterious energy signatures. He remembered a single note tucked into the side of the board.   
  
_It's killing me when you're away...  
  
_ Keith fought back the sudden, savage tears. He took a deep, shaking breath and tipped his head back so he was staring up at the ceiling. He just had to hold on for a few more days. Just a few more days until Kolivan would come for him again and he could get away. He could do it. It was Shiro, after all. Admittedly a strange, unknown Shiro but it was still Shiro. _His_ Shiro. The one who'd bailed him out of juvie, the one who'd taken him under his wing and treated him with a kindness he'd never known before. Shiro who was gentle, who touched him like he _meant_ something to him. Shiro who he had loved with all the desperation a lonely, terrified sixteen year old orphan could muster.

 

He finally managed to reign himself in and rose on shaky knees. Slowly he made his way back to the Paladin's quarters and found Shiro's room. He pressed his hand to the scanner and it admitted him with a soft, familiar beep. He could do this, he told himself as he reached behind himself and unzipped his blade suit. It slipped from his shoulders, revealing a back patterned in bruises and scars.   
  
Shiro found Keith lying in his bed, already half undressed. Shiro smiled as he approached the bed, watching Keith's eyes flutter open. He looked down at the ex-black paladin and felt a surge of satisfaction when Keith opened his legs for him.   
  
“Shiro...” Keith whispered as Shiro leaned down and captured his mouth in a deep, bruising kiss. Shiro held his jaw, pinning him in place with his body. He smirked into the kiss, listening to Keith hiss in pain as he dug his teeth into his bottom lip.

 

His orders had been simple; break the black paladin. And it had been much too easy. The witch couldn't even imagine just how easy it was to make Keith bend to his will. He was doing a job but it was a job he could easily enjoy. He may not have been the person Keith thought he was but he had all of Shiro's memories and with those memories came the growth of feelings. Emotions, hazy but mostly distinguishable. Shiro had been longing for Keith for a while now, all his adoring expressions, all his subtle touching it had been the only way he'd felt comfortable expressing these feelings. Shiro had been a coward. Too weak to follow through. Kuron, however, was no such thing. He wanted Keith and so he took him. It was just a bonus that the witch had given him permission to do that in whatever way he saw fit. Kuron smirked as he slid his hands up Keith's sides, fingers digging bruises into his pale skin. He was small and beautiful and so, so _easy_. He had broken the black paladin, driven a wedge between him and his friends and then destroyed the one good thing he had left. He'd taken his heroic Shiro and ripped him apart until Keith no longer knew what was real. Kuron took pleasure in knowing that he wasn't the real Shiro, he wasn't the one Keith really loved. He was a mere shadow, an approximation of the man Keith had once known.  
  
Keith wrapped his legs around Shiro's waist, drawing him in deeper. He took hold of Shiro's metal wrist and brought it up, closing the fingers around his throat. He met Shiro's eyes and let him cut off his airway. Shiro's fingers dug deep into the flesh of his throat and Keith closed his eyes.  
  
XXX  
  
Lance whistled as he entered the showers, towel tossed casually over one shoulder as he barged the door open and dumped his kit on a bench. He stripped off his clothes, pausing when he heard someone already in the stalls. He knew it wasn't Hunk who was busy in the kitchen, Shiro was in the training room and the girls had separate showers. Just as Lance was pulling his boxers down the shower turned off and the stall door opened to reveal Keith. He was drenched, hair plastered to his face, body dripping with droplets. He came to a sudden halt when he saw Lance. “Hey, buddy,” Lance grinned but it froze on his face when he saw Keith's body, his eyes slowly widened. “Holy-”  
  
Keith snatched up his towel and wrapped it around his waist before grabbing his clothes, heedless of his damp skin. He hugged them to his chest and lowered his head as he pushed past Lance and headed for the door.  
  
“Keith! Keith wait!” Lance grabbed his wrist, halting him in his tracks. Keith snarled, yanking himself free. “What the hell happened?!” Lance gasped, sweeping Keith with his eyes. Keith was a mess of bruises. He had a few on his wrists and hips that looked like finger prints and a new circle of dark marks were blossoming across his throat. “Keith...” Lance sounded winded, like all the air in his lungs had been punched out of him. His first thought was a crash or accident on a mission but the bruises around his throat looked much too new for that and those little dots on his hips. Lance swallowed, “Just...tell me one thing and I'll let you go.” Lance swallowed, meeting Keith's wary gaze, “Is this...consensual?”   
  
Keith flinched and looked away, “Yeah.” He said after a much too long pause. “Yeah it is.” His voice was wrecked, throat obviously sore. “Can I go now?”  
  
Lance knew a lie when he saw one. He'd known Keith long enough now to know his tells. The question was, who was it? “I...” Lance licked his suddenly dry lips, “Is it...a blade?”  
  
“What? No.” Keith shook his head, frowning. “I'm going now.” He turned on his heel and left Lance alone and feeling a sick sense of dread sink deep into his gut. If it wasn't a fellow blade then there was only one other person Keith would allow close enough to do that to him. Lance sucked in air and leaned against the wall, rubbing at his face. “Damn it.” He whispered, frowning at the tiles. He knew Shiro had been acting odd lately but he'd never imagined he could ever do something like this. Lance punched the wall half-heartedly before cursing fluently in Spanish. He ran his hands through his hair and removed the rest of his clothes, tossing them into a pile before taking his own shower.  
  
Lance took it upon himself to watch Keith and Shiro. He began to really notice how odd they were together. He watched Shiro slide a hand around Keith's hip, fingers digging into the same spots Lance had seen the bruises. He saw Keith try and hide a flinch, watched him let Shiro drag him closer. He watched him hang his head, look at his feet and hunch in on himself whenever Shiro looked at him. Keith didn't look happy around Shiro anymore, all his soft looks had been replaced by empty resignation. He was quieter, subdued. Every time Shiro brushed past him he tensed up like he was about to be hit. Lance's fingers curled into fists against his console and he looked away, glaring at the blank screen as he ground his teeth together. If he spoke up Keith would never forgive him. None of the others seemed to have noticed anything amiss, not that Keith was around them long enough for anyone to notice anything in the first place. Lance remembered Shiro's weird headaches, his short temper and general strange behaviour and his frown deepened.  
  
Later Lance cornered Hunk in the lounge. He slid into a seat beside his best friend and crossed his legs, absently he fiddled with a stray thread on the cuff of his jeans. Hunk was chewing something while reading a bunch of complicated scientific papers which were spread across the couch. Slowly Hunk looked up at him, “You ok?” He asked, swallowing his mouthful and tilting his head to the side.  
  
“Yeah I guess...” Lance jiggled his leg and chewed his lip while Hunk waited patiently for him to continue, “I-uh...you noticed anything...weird about...Keith lately?”  
  
Hunk frowned down at his papers, “I dunno man, he seems ok. Bit more grumpy than usual, yeah but I mean...Keith's Keith.”  
  
Lance sighed and scratched the back of his neck, “I guess.” He muttered and shook his head, “I dunno man I'm worried.”  
  
“About Keith?” Hunk's eyes widened before a grin split his face, “Is this you admitting you actually care about him, Lance?” He nudged him playfully but Lance just gave him a flat look. “Ok, so this is serious.” Hunk's smile fell and he settled back against the couch, “What's going on man?”  
  
“I...” Lance snapped his mouth shut, the memory of Keith's messed up skin playing in his mind, “It's...fine. I guess I'm just being stupid.” He swallowed, remembering the terror in Keith's eyes when he'd realised he'd been caught. Lance didn't even want to consider what would happen if Shiro got wind of Lance's suspicions, he'd heard horror stories of abuse victims dying at their abusers hands. He swore under his breath and curled his hands into fists, “It's fine. I'm just being paranoid. Sorry for bothering you, man.” Lance rose and brushed down his pants.  
  
“Lance?” Hunk blinked in surprise, “What happened?”  
  
“Nothing, don't worry. I just gotta go check on something.” Lance forced a smile and gave Hunk a wink before walking out of the room.  
  
Lance soon found Keith where he'd suspected he would be. The training room doors slid open and admitted him, he stepped inside and watched Keith perform an impressive back-flip over the top of the gladiator. Lance whistled, hands pushing into his pockets as Keith landed and spun on his heel. He grunted as his blade sliced through the gladiators neck and it's head went spinning off across the room. Then Keith turned on him, panting hard. He lifted an arm and wiped sweat from his face.  
  
“What do you want, Lance?” He panted, sucking in a breath and moving to a small pile of his belongings. Lance watched him wince as he bent and picked up a juice packet, he poked the straw in and sucked, eyes pinning Lance to the spot.  
  
“I...” Lance took a breath, “I wanted to let you know that I'm here for you...if...if you needed to talk.” He offered, wincing as Keith's eyes narrowed.  
  
“I'm _fine_.” He growled, finishing his juice and tossing the packet back down. “Now leave. I'm busy.” he spat, turning back to his training.  
  
Lance sighed and shook his head slowly, staring at Keith's back. He had more bruises wrapped around his upper arm. Lance turned away and left him to it, guilt and fear mixing unpleasantly in his gut.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slides new chapter towards you all guiltily
> 
> I am so sorry. I have been swamped with stuff recently, redecorating my room and stuff. Hopefully this makes up for it. Enjoy.

  
“Have you seen Keith recently?” Lance slipped into the kitchen where Hunk was preparing their next meal.  
  
“Hm? No...now that I think about it. Haven't seen him in a few days.” Hunk frowned down at the alien pastry he was rolling, “I just kinda thought he was on the training deck. It's where he usually is.”  
  
Lance frowned uncomfortably, “He's not there, I checked.”  
  
“Could be with Shiro? They've been spending a lot of time together.” Hunk looked up to see a wince cross Lance's face. He frowned and set aside his rolling pin, wiping his hands on the apron around his waist. “Lance? What's going on, man? You don't usually care where Keith is.”  
  
“I...” Lance swallowed, eyes darting away, “Never mind. I'll go speak to Allura.” He turned on his heel, ignoring Hunk's questions.  
  
He found Allura on the bridge with Coran discussing Lotor in hushed tones, he approached slowly until they both looked up from their conversation. Coran beamed at him and clapped his back, “I'll go see how Pidge is coming along with those calibrations, Princess.” He bowed briefly before leaving the two of them alone.   
  
“Lance, what can I do for you?” Allura smiled, the expression causing Lance's heart to skip a beat. He could feel his cheeks heating but reminded himself to stay on track.  
  
“You know where Keith is?”  
  
“Hm? No I haven't seen him.” Allura turned to a nearby console and started scrolling through information.  
  
“No one has. Don't you think it's...kinda weird?”  
  
“Keith's always been...somewhat anti-social.” Allura reminded him, looking up and into Lance's eyes, “You're really worried, aren't you?”   
  
“A bit.”  
  
“Well,” Allura tapped the screen and it brought up a map of the ship along with several colour coded dots. “Keith's with Shiro.” She pointed at two small dots, one black and one red.  
  
Lance swallowed, “Oh. Well...thanks...I guess.”  
  
“That's quite alright.”   
  
Lance took one last lingering look at Allura as she went back to her screen before sighing and turning away.  
  
XXX  
  
Keith lay on Shiro's bed, arms chained together and wrapped around a bar in the wall at the head. He was naked, Shiro's belt wrapped around his head and between his teeth. His body covered in a fine sheen of sweat, new and old bruises forming ugly patterns across his skin. He stared blankly down at the rumpled, dirty covers and listened to Shiro behind him.  
  
“Kolivan'll be coming back for you soon.” Shiro sighed, “You don't have to go with him you know.”  
  
Keith twitched when large, calloused hands began to caress his backside, squeezing pink flesh. Shiro groaned, bending down and pressing a kiss to the base of Keith's spine. Keith closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. He'd spent days tied up with Shiro. Days at his mercy. His body ached, his head throbbed and his arms trembled from being held in one position for too long.   
  
“Wouldn't you like to stay here with me? We could fuck all day and night. Since you're no good at anything else.” Shiro squeezed Keith's ass cheeks, pulling them apart to admire his wet hole. Keith grunted in pain beneath him but a hand in his hair and a sharp tug got him to fall silent again. Shiro leaned down and slowly dragged the flat of his tongue between Keith's cheeks, pushing his legs apart roughly as his hands moved to curl around his thighs. “I'd like to have you all to myself.” He muttered against Keith's skin, ignoring his shudder. “You're beautiful, you know that? Why would I want to let you leave where anyone could look at you? No. You're much better off here, beneath me.” Shiro got a firm grip around Keith's inner thigh, his metal fingers digging deep into his skin. He watched in detached fascination as it began to light up. It bathed Keith in purple light, reminding Shiro of his mixed heritage. “Do you let Kolivan see you like this? Wet and begging for it? You really think he let you join up with them because you're talented?” He snorted, watching his arm heat up, listening to Keith's pained, muffled cries. He jerked, trying to pull away from the increasing pain. “Shhh,” He used his free hand to rub his back soothingly, “I just need to make sure you remember who you belong to. I need everyone to know.”

 

The purple light lit up Shiro's face, sending weird shadows dancing across his eyes. He smelt burnt meat and Keith jerked violently against him, Shiro sucked in air through his teeth as he watched Keith's flesh turn red. Keith screamed behind his gag, chains clanking as he struggled to break free. He lashed out with his feet but was held down, he shook and tears stung his eyes. A sob built behind his gag as the burn burrowed deeper and deeper.

 

Shiro had already had to repair one pair of cuffs, they had been much too thin for Keith's Galran strength and he'd snapped them in a fit of pleasure. Shiro pressed his face into Keith's back, breathing in the scent of his sweat and burning skin. He squeezed the wound, feeling Keith's legs give out beneath him. He collapsed in a heap and lay there, gasping and staring blankly across the dimly lit room.  
  
Shiro groaned, removing his hand and powering it down to admire his work. Keith now had a hand print on his inner thigh, blisters had already started to rise and the skin was raw and angry. The wound, where it should have been red, was a light violet in colour. Shiro brushed his fingers around it, smiling softly. Keith whimpered but didn't seem to have the strength to pull away. Shiro leaned over him, trapping him between his arms, he leaned down and nipped at the tip of Keith's ear, “Just remember this night while you're sucking Kolivan's cock. My mark will never fade, Keith. You'll always be mine.”  
  
Keith blinked damp eyes at the wall across from them, unable to think through the haze of pain and confusion. Shiro brushed hair from his eyes and kissed at his damp cheeks, brushing away the tears of pain with a gentle thumb. Keith let himself be manhandled onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling while Shiro undid his cuffs and rubbed feeling back into his hands. He didn't speak and treated him gently, confusing Keith and making him unsure if he wanted to push him away or bring him closer. Keith's eyelids drooped, his mind and body exhausted. It dragged at him, his vision darkening around the edges. Shiro removed his gag and pressed a sweet kiss to the corner of his spit-slick mouth.  
  
“Good night, Keith.”  
  
Keith drifted into a hazy sleep with Shiro's voice lingering on the edge of his consciousness. It sounded like Shiro was calling his name from somewhere far, far away.  
  
XXX  
  
Keith lingered in the Black Lion's hangar, finger tips brushing the cool metal of it's giant paw. He looked up into it's impassive face, almost willing to feel the zing of a connection in the back of his mind but he felt nothing. With a heavy sigh he turned around only to come to a sudden halt when he saw someone in the door way.  
  
“Ah, I do apologise...it seems I may have become somewhat turned around.” Lotor smiled, his eyes moving to the metal beast at Keith's back. “Such an impressive display of Altean ingenuity, don't you think? Allura told me they were sentient.”  
  
“Where were you trying to go?” Keith replied, ignoring Lotor's words.  
  
“I was trying to find the training deck,” Lotor returned his gaze to Keith who felt it like a weight. He straightened his shoulders and met Lotor's eyes.  
  
“I can show you.”  
  
“Thank you. Please,” Lotor offered a small bow as Keith walked past before following on his heels. “This ship is rather larger than it first appears. I really should study the lay out in more depth.”  
  
Keith didn't reply but it didn't seem to deter Lotor who spouted inanities as they walked. Keith's fingers itched for his blade, despising having a once-enemy at his back. He dropped one hand to his side, flexing his fingers which creaked inside their gloves. Finally they found the training deck and Keith waved his hand at it, “It's here,”   
  
“I am much obliged, Keith.” Lotor put his hand to the scanner and the door opened, “Oh, perhaps you care to join me? I could use a partner.”  
  
Keith blinked at the offer, confusion throwing him off balance a little as he eyed Lotor up and down warily. “Why me?”  
  
Lotor shrugged, “Princess Allura is busy and I fear most of your other friends are...ill equipped to entertain my offer.” His eyes dropped to Keith's hand that hovered near his blade, “You and I have much in common, Keith. Come, spar with me.”  
  
Keith licked his lips, eyes darting down the corridor and back again. Finally he nodded and Lotor led him into the room.  
  
Shiro walked down the corridor after attending a meeting between the Paladins. He flexed the fingers of his human hand absently as he headed towards his quarters, hoping Keith would be waiting for him. He walked past the training rooms and heard a sudden thud and the clash of metal. Turning he peered in through the doors and watched Keith perform an impressive slide beneath Lotor's blade. Shiro felt his muscles tense, his upper lip twitched into a snarl before he put his hand to the scanner and the doors opened with a quiet swish.  
  
Lotor ducked beneath Keith's blade, smiling to himself as he slammed his elbow back into Keith's gut. He heard a grunt and a clatter as he let go of his weapon. Pressing his advantage Lotor spun and grabbed Keith's throat, lifting him bodily off of the floor and slamming him back down again. Keith sucked in air, choking on it and struggling as Lotor released his throat and crouched over him. White hair fell in front of his face, framing his smirk and flashing yellow eyes.  
  
From somewhere behind them someone cleared their throat. Slowly Lotor turned, unwilling to release his captive to see Shiro standing by the doors. He felt Keith tense before he struggled free, Lotor allowed him to wriggle away and snatch up his sword.  
  
“Shiro.” Keith gasped, breathless from exertion with sweat damp hair clinging to his face. Shiro met his eyes, his own hard as steel. Keith took an involuntary step back as Shiro advanced on him, he came to a stop an arms length away and reached out to grab Keith but the chin. He tilted his head at an angle and inspected a small bruise that hadn't been there before. Keith felt his heart sink, his stomach twist into a tight little knot. He swallowed, frozen to the spot by Shiro's gaze before it was torn away from him and turned on the renegade prince.  
  
“What were you doing in here?” Shiro asked as if addressing them both but Keith knew he was speaking only to Lotor. He hunched his shoulders and wrapped his arms around himself, glaring at the floor.  
  
“The princess gave me permission to visit the training room and I had Keith here help me, a training dummy is hardly the best opponent. I've always found a living being to be much more preferable than a programmable robot.”  
  
“Keith's got more important things to be doing than playing around with you.” Shiro started off towards the door, “Keith, come.” He demanded without looking back.  
  
Keith took a breath and hid his shaking hands by pressing them beneath his arm pits. He moved around Lotor warily, eyes fixed on the floor. Lotor's eyes burned into him with mounting curiosity.  
  
“We could spar again perhaps? You prove quite an interesting challenge.”  
  
Keith looked up at him in surprise, “But you were kicking my ass.”   
  
“Perhaps but the way you fight is interesting. It would benefit the both of us if we did this regularly.”  
  
Keith looked back at Shiro who was frowning at them both, “I can't. I've gotta leave for a Blade mission tomorrow.”  
  
“Ah, a pity. Perhaps another time then.”  
  
“Yeah...thanks.” Keith shuffled past and reached Shiro's side. Shiro took hold of his upper arm and dragged him from the room.  
  
Keith soon found himself in Shiro's room. Shiro pushed him roughly inside and let the doors shut behind them. Keith looked up at the ceiling, hands shaking and throat much too dry. Hands grabbed at him, yanking off his jacket, sliding underneath his sweaty t-shirt. Keith squeezed his eyes shut as lips pressed against his throat, a hand in his hair to adjust the angle. Shiro breathed against his skin, whispering his name.  
  
“What did he do to you?” Shiro asked, fingers digging deep into Keith's waist.  
  
“N-Nothing.” Keith hissed as teeth dug into his skin. He pushed at Shiro's shoulders but knew it would be pointless, “I need a shower, Shiro...”  
  
“He had you in there alone.”  
  
“We were training,”   
  
Shiro laughed, lifting his head and looking into Keith's eyes, “Oh yeah? Are you sure that's all he's after?”  
  
“Yeah. He's a prince. Why would he want me?”  
  
Shiro's expression eased, his smile softening, “You're right.” he said simply and pressed their mouths together. He pushed Keith back onto the bed, feeling him hiss when he bit down too hard on his lip. “Everyone else may abandon you, Keith but I never will.”   
  
Keith closed his eyes, moving his head to capture Shiro's mouth with his own. He deepened the kiss, lifting his hands to Shiro's shorn hair and running his finger tips through it. His legs opened, allowing Shiro to settle between them. He could fight this. He could push Shiro away and run. He could take his pod and leave the castle of lions a day early, return to Kolivan and the Blades. He could never come back. Keith tightened his grip on Shiro's hair, arching into his body and frowning into the kiss. He could do all those things but...  
  
But it was Shiro. Shiro who had never given up on him, Keith couldn't give up on him now. Everything they'd been through together would be rendered meaningless if he ran. Shiro was the only family he had left, the only person in the universe who cared about him. If he abandoned him he'd be left with nothing and he'd already been there once before. He'd teetered on the edge for that year while Shiro had been missing. He'd almost killed himself several times in the dusty shack, surrounded by memories of a father long gone and regrets of everything that could have been. Shiro pushed his jacket down his shoulders, fingers finding the flat planes of his stomach. Keith gasped his name into Shiro's mouth, his tongue forming the familiar words as he pressed his clothed cock into Shiro's body. No one could ever love him like Shiro could, this was an immutable fact that Keith had known since he was a child. Unlovable, violent, unsociable...broken. Shiro made all those things irrelevant. So he clung, even when Shiro hurt him. He refused to fight back. He couldn't hurt the only person to ever love him.   
  
He would never give up on Shiro.  
  
Lance heard a thud, a muffled cry and then silence. He lay in bed, pillow gripped in his fists as he stared up at the ceiling. Finally, when the silence had become unbearable he rose and pulled on his dressing gown. He went to the door and opened it, rubbing at his eyes and smudging his face mask. He trudged out of his room and turned down the corridor, intending to get himself a glass of water but halted when he heard the sound of Shiro's bedroom door opening. He turned to see Keith dressed in a t-shirt that was too large for him and hung from one shoulder. They both froze, Keith's eyes going wide in shock, a child caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “What're you doing?” Keith asked, his voice wrecked in a way Lance recognised.   
  
“I'm getting some water. What the hell are you doing, mullet?”  
  
“I...” Keith glanced back towards Shiro's bedroom door, Lance saw him swallow and then lower his gaze, “Going back to my room.” He whispered hoarsely, trying to step around Lance only to be stopped.   
  
“Come to the kitchen with me,” Lance insisted, reaching out to grab his wrist and drag him if had to. Keith flinched back, shrinking in on himself as he backed away, “Keith-”  
  
“Leave me alone.” Keith hissed, eyes glowing strangely. Lance had never seen his eyes do that before, it shocked him, made him remember that Keith was half alien.   
  
“Keith, just listen. I only wanna talk.”  
  
“I don't wanna listen. Lance, please, get outta my way.”  
  
“He's hurting you!” Lance dropped his voice to harsh whisper, eyes darting towards Shiro's room before returning to Keith. He advanced a few steps, forcing Keith back into the wall. “He's been hurting you for a while now. Why? Why do you let him do that?”  
  
“He's not-”  
  
“Cut the shit, man.” Lance breathed in and sighed, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his tousled hair, “I know what abuse looks like.”  
  
“A-abuse? Don't be-” Keith grunted as Lance grabbed his wrist and lifted his arm, revealing bruises patterning his skin.  
  
“Oh and these are what? Marks from a fall? Keith, you're the best damned fighter of all of us, you're not clumsy.” Lance's eyes glanced down on instinct and what he saw made his jaw drop. The t-shirt Keith was wearing rose up to reveal a pair of tight black underwear. Beneath that was a purplish-red mark in the distinct shape of a hand. The skin was new and shiny looking, as if it'd been healed recently. “Keith...Jesus...”  
  
Keith yanked his arm free and grabbed Lance's, he spun them both around in one fluid movement and slammed Lance against the wall. Keith pressed his arm against Lance's throat and growled. “If you ever touch me again I'll kill you.” He spat, pulling away to give Lance room to breathe.  
  
Lance opened his mouth but it snapped shut when the doors to Shiro's room hissed open, Keith jerked back like he'd been burned and turned to see Shiro watching them both. He was shirtless, revealing a horribly scarred chest. His eyes lingered on Lance even as Keith stumbled into his arms. Shiro held him close, hand sliding up his back and into his hair. His eyes met Lance's and he smiled, “How come you two are up at this time of night?”  
  
Lance felt something dark shift inside him, he curled his hands into fists as fear warred with concern for Keith. He finally forced a smile of his own, “We were gonna go get some water. Guess we got to talking instead.”  
  
“Go back to bed, Lance. We've got training tomorrow.”  
  
“Uh...y-yeah sure. G'night.” Lance moved back to his room and stepped inside, he heard Shiro whisper something to Keith and heard Keith respond dully before his door closed. Lance leaned back against the doors and smacked his head lightly against the cold metal. Slowly he sank down to his haunches and stared at his unmade bed. One hand rose to his mouth and he rubbed absently at the stubble coating his jaw. It had been bad enough knowing what lay beneath Keith's clothes, now he knew that Shiro had taken it one step further and physically branded him like cattle. Lance shuddered, he had no idea how to help. He had no idea if Keith would even want help. He pressed his forehead to his knees and sighed.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! I am so sorry for the lack of any updates but Its the school holidays and my daughter is home so don't get much time for writing. I hope this short-ish chapter can keep everyone going in the mean time. Enjoy.
> 
> (FYI: No, Lance does not fancy Keith in this fic. They are friends and Lance cares about Keith because he is his friend)

_It was a familiar sound by now. The soft tinkle of metal, the sound of leather sliding against leather. It made his heart beat spike, his mouth go dry and his palms sweat. He curled his hands into fists, pressing his forehead against the bed spread. The hands on his hips were large, sliding across the bare span of flesh, the touch feathery light before being drawn away. Keith bit his lip, eyes squeezed shut. The snap of the belt made him jump as his foster father pulled it tight.  
  
“You useless, stupid little shit. Theft won't be tolerated in this household, you hear me?”  
  
Keith nodded into the blankets, “Y-Yes sir...'m sorry sir,” He whispered, voice muffled, shaking as his foster father grunted in acknowledgement.  
  
“Thirty lashes.” He said, voice a low growl and breathing heavy.  
  
_Keith jolted awake at the sound of something smacking against his bare ass. He jerked, eyes snapping open and a gasp escaping his lips. For a moment he was still in that dark room, the blinds only allowing a slither of moonlight through. For a moment he was ten years old, hiding underneath his bed as large, calloused hands reached for him. The stench of alcohol was strong in his nose, he lashed out. Fist moving without thought. Someone caught it with a smacking sound and a light chuckle.  
  
“Good morning,”  
  
Keith blinked, confusion still pulling at his sleep deprived mind, “Wha'?” He rolled over to find himself looking up into Shiro's familiar face.  
  
“Sleep well?”  
  
“I...” Keith rubbed at his eyes, groaning, “No.”  
  
“Hm. Nightmare?” Shiro stroked hair from Keith's eyes with a gentleness Keith remembered from their days at the Garrison together. He couldn't help but lean into it.  
  
“I guess you could say that,” Keith sat up, looking away from Shiro's eyes.  
  
“What was it this time?” Shiro sat down at his side, rubbing soothing circles into Keith's bony hip with his thumb.  
  
Keith looked down at his hands, “The Peterson's.”  
  
“The guy with the belt?”  
  
Keith nodded. He had been placed with a family when he was ten years old, after the home he had been in had been shut down. The foster father drank and hated Keith the moment he stepped through the door. Years ago he had admitted to Shiro where the scars on his backside had come from after he'd seen them in the shower rooms after a PT session.  
  
“C'mere,” Shiro drew Keith close, hands sliding across scarred, bare skin. He pressed a kiss to Keith's sweaty temple, “Did you like it?” He asked, causing Keith to stiffen.  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“The belt.” Shiro rolled his eyes, hands sliding down to squeeze Keith's ass cheeks. His fingers found a faint ridge of scar tissue, a vicious line of broken skin. He followed it with his thumb before dipping between them and pressing against Keith's hole. “Bet you got off on it, huh?”  
  
“Sh-Shiro...” Keith jerked in his hands, trying to pull away, “Get off of me.”  
  
“That's no fun, Keith. I'm just teasing.”  
  
“That's not-”   
  
Shiro cut him off with a kiss, hands rising to tangle in his messy hair. “Mm, it's ok. You need to chill out, Keith. No one even cares.”  
  
Keith closed his eyes and let Shiro stroke his back, fingers finding ancient scars and rubbing them. He let himself go limp, resting his head against Shiro's chest. If he ignored Shiro's voice he could almost imagine everything was normal. When he finally let his eyes fall closed he could see the moonlight filtering through the blinds and hear the heavy thud of boots on the stairs.  
  
“You're leaving today, right?” Shiro asked, forcing Keith's mind back to the present.  
  
“Yeah. Kolivan wants me on this mission.”  
  
“How long?”  
  
“Dunno, he says it could last a movement.”  
  
“I'm gonna miss this ass.” Shiro sighed, squeezing Keith's ass cheeks in his hands with a groan as he rolled his hips up. Keith's breath stuttered, his body responding. Shiro bit gently at his shoulder, shifting so that Keith's legs fell to either side of his own. He tilted Keith's head so that their lips could meet. Keith curled his fingers into the blanket and let Shiro's tongue between his lips. He moaned, pressing himself closer as Shiro's finger pressed against his hole, dry and uncomfortable but his body was still eager.  
  
“Who else has had this ass, huh?” Shiro asked as he pulled away, a string of saliva connecting their lips. It broke as Keith turned away. “Come on, you could be gone for ages. Tell me who else you've let fuck this hole.”  
  
“Sh-Shiro...I...”  
  
“Honesty time, Keith.”  
  
Keith swallowed and hung his head, “A few guys back home,” He whispered, voice low and hoarse, “When...when you were away on Kerberos I was lonely. I needed something, anything.”  
  
“God, you're such a whore, Keith.” Shiro laughed into Keith's ear, nipping at it and feeling him flinch. “How many?”  
  
“I...I don't know.”  
  
“Any teachers? Other than that guy who copped a feel.”  
  
Keith swallowed, allowing himself to be rolled onto his back. He licked his lips and nodded reluctantly.  
  
Shiro laughed, “Tell me who?”  
  
“J-Jones.” Keith hissed air through his teeth as Shiro's fingers finally penetrated him, he parted his legs and moaned.   
  
“Oh I remember him, he was pretty hot. God knows what he saw in you but I guess after enough time anything with a hole looks good.”  
  
Keith whimpered, pressing his lips firmly closed as stinging pain shot through his lower back.   
  
“Where did he fuck you?”  
  
“O-On...” Keith gasped, back arching, “On his...desk...”  
  
“Was he good?”  
  
“I...Shiro...”  
  
“I asked if he was good?” Shiro punctuated his question with a sharp twist of his fingers. Keith jerked against him, nails digging into Shiro's bare shoulders.  
  
“Y-Yes. Yes he was-nng...” Keith shuddered, mouth open and panting as Shiro kissed his throat and jaw.  
  
“Who else?” Shiro asked again, watching Keith's face contort and his eyes flutter open to reveal vaguely yellow sclera.  
  
“Mm... _please_ , Shiro...”   
  
“I asked a question, Keith. Who else?”  
  
“Fuck!” Keith cursed, muffling his noises against the skin of Shiro's bare shoulder as he raked his finger nails down his back. Shiro's muscles jumped under his touch and Keith bit down hard into the muscle of his shoulder. “I...I...” He panted, smearing spit slick lips across the flesh, “Director Williamson...” He moaned as Shiro hit his prostate again. His toes curled, eyes closing as he threw his head back to expose his throat.   
  
“Who's that? I don't know that name.”  
  
“He was...” Keith swallowed, “He ran the home.”  
  
“Ooooh,” Shiro pulled his fingers out, causing a shudder to run down Keith's spine. “You weren't there for years...how old-”  
  
“No.” Keith gasped, finally opening his eyes, “Don't. Don't. _Please_.”  
  
Shiro sighed, “Alright, fine.” he shrugged, “I just wanted to get to know more about you.”  
  
Keith lay still, body shuddering under Shiro's touch, his lips parted as he sucked in breath and tried not to flinch whenever Shiro touched him. He tried to keep his mind in the present, keep himself from falling back into memories he wanted to forget. He closed his eyes as Shiro whispered to him, pulling his legs up and over his shoulders.  
  
Afterwards Keith lay still while Shiro rolled over and fell back to sleep. He stared up at the ceiling while he waited for Shiro's breaths to even out. They were lucky, the night cycle was in it's last stages and Keith had a few moments of reprieve before Shiro would wake again. Slowly Keith slid out from the bed, rising on shaking legs as he stumbled to the door. He picked up his t-shirt and a pair of underwear before opening the door and moving out into the hallway. The castle was empty, everyone fast asleep so he dragged himself towards the showers. He wrapped his arms around himself and hung his head, losing himself in thought.  
  
He loved Shiro and Shiro loved him. He had to remember that. If he lost sight of why he was doing this he would drown, he knew it. Keith never wanted to feel so alone as he did after Shiro had gone on the Kerberos mission. It had nearly killed him. So he would keep going, stay by Shiro's side as often as he could and hope that somehow he could fix him.   
  
Keith found the showers and turned one on, he stepped under the spray and sank down the wall while warm water soaked through his t-shirt. He tipped his head back and looked up at the ceiling, hands limp by his sides. Water slid down his face, plastering his hair to his face. He stayed until the water ran cold.  
  
As the night cycle moved towards day the shower doors opened and Lance strode in. He paused when he heard one of the showers going and went to the door. It was open and he peered through to see Keith half slumped against the wall, eyes half-closed and breathing heavy as he shivered and huddled in the corner. Lance cursed under his breath, reaching through the deluge of freezing water to turn it off. He crouched before Keith and looked at him. Keith blinked sluggishly, seeming to come out of whatever daze he'd been in.   
  
“Keith? Hey man, you need to get up. You're gonna freeze.”  
  
Keith mumbled something under his breath, drawing his legs closer into his body and covering his head with his bruised arms. He trembled and his teeth chattered.  
  
“Keith! Hey!” Lance reached out but freezing fingers snatched at his wrist and bent it back, he felt the bones creak and he cried out in agony. “Fuck! Dude, it's me! It's Lance!”  
  
Keith went still, eyes slowly widening before he let go and pushed himself further into the corner.  
  
Lance rubbed at his wrist, grimacing, “You need to get outta here,” He whispered, keeping his voice low and rushed, “He's gonna kill you. I can't...can't believe you're gonna let him do it. Keith, for your own sake, go to Kolivan. Go back to the blades and stay there. Maybe...I dunno...maybe we'll be able to do something about Shiro. I don't know...he's the Black Paladin and we need him...” Keith didn't answer and refused to meet Lance's eyes, “I don't get it. How long has he been doing this, man? Since the Garrison? Did...did anyone even know?”  
  
Keith shook his head then, pushing hair from his eyes, “No.” he whispered finally, “I don't know when it started.” His voice was rough, wobbly and weak as he swallowed and rubbed at his eyes. “He...he's sick. Lance, he's really sick in the head. I...I have to stay by him. Someone has to. He needs me.”  
  
“Damn it Keith, you don't have to kill yourself for this-”  
  
“Hey, everything ok in here?” Hunk's voice made Keith flinch violently.  
  
Lance half-turned to see but Keith grabbed him by his t-shirt and dragged him close. His eyes glowed violently yellow and his pupils narrowed into slits. His lips drew back from teeth that looked a little too sharp to be entirely human as he hissed, “Don't say a fucking word.” And released him.  
  
“Guys?” Hunk rounded the corner and saw them in the shower stall, Keith bedraggled, like a wet kitten and Lance looking pale and frightened. “Uhhh...” Hunk looked from Lance to Keith and back again, blinking slowly.  
  
“Ok. This...this is not what it looks like!” Lance leapt to his feet, almost slipping on the wet tiled floor but Hunk grabbed him by the arm and steadied him. His pyjamas were wet, hair sticking to his forehead. “Not...not what it looks like. Ok?”  
  
Hunk looked to Keith who was now on his feet, head low and hiding behind his wet hair, “Lance-”  
  
“You think you know what this is but its not. It's just...”  
  
“I slipped.” Keith said finally, rubbing at his side, “I slipped and Lance was helping. Nearly hit my head.” His voice was monotone, eyes drifting vaguely to the ceiling and doors and looking anywhere but at Hunk and Lance. He looked too skinny, dark bags hanging beneath eyes that were too dark. His entire posture screamed defeat.  
  
“Oh. You ok, Keith?” Hunk asked, “Do you need a pod? Or Coran can look at you?”  
  
“No. I'm fine. Lance helped.” Keith stepped past the two boys and started off towards the shower exit.  
  
Hunk watched him go with a small frown, “Lance,”  
  
“I know what you're gonna say-”  
  
“Lance, look, if you think I was gonna judge you for liking Keith I'm not.” Hunk turned to him with such sincerity in his face that Lance wanted to punch a wall. He groaned and rubbed a hand down his face.  
  
“Really Hunk, I swear to you nothings going on.”  
  
“Hey, it's really ok. I mean yeah I kinda had no idea you liked guys as well as girls but-”  
  
“No.” Lance put a finger to Hunk's lips, “Just...no.” He shook his head, “I like girls and only girls.”  
  
“It's ok! There's nothing to be ashamed of, really.”  
  
Lance muttered a string of cuss words in Spanish before shaking his head, “I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, Hunk. I just like girls, if I liked guys I would've told you by now; you're my best friend. And even if I did like guys too...well, I wouldn't be caught dead within a hundred miles of Keith. Ok?”  
  
Hunk sighed before shrugging, “If you say so.”  
  
Keith didn't eat during breakfast. He sat at the table, Shiro at his side as he pushed around the food goo. Everyone talked around him but when he was addressed all he could do was grunt. Finally he gave up and rose, returning to his bedroom to pack. He sat on the floor of his room, staring at his meagre belongings and rubbed at his exhausted eyes. Soon he would be too far away for Shiro to touch him, the thought brought him equal amounts of dread and relief.  
  
When it came time for him to leave he said his farewells to the others. Hunk moved forward, a smile on his face and tears in his eyes, his arms opened but Keith flinched violently backwards. Hunk froze, eyes wide, “Oh. I'm sorry I didn't-”  
  
“No. No it's...it's fine. I'll see you guys.” Keith averted his eyes and turned away but before he could get to his ship Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. Keith swallowed back the urge to move away and let Shiro turn him around. He was drawn into a tight embrace, fingers pushing deep into his hair as Shiro drew away enough to capture his mouth in a deep, lingering kiss. Keith released a breath when he was let go and stepped back. He didn't say anything more as he went to his ship and flung his bag in through the open doors. He climbed inside and put shaking hands to the controls, taking a deep breath and releasing it before setting in the coordinates Kolivan had sent him.

 


End file.
